


Bedtime in Brighton

by Spring_Haze



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Commitment, Committed Relationship, Dan and Phil World Tour 2018: Interactive Introverts, Established Relationship, Hotels, Love, M/M, POV Dan Howell, POV Phil Lester, Partnership, Romantic Friendship, Romantic Soulmates, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 10:50:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20096056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spring_Haze/pseuds/Spring_Haze
Summary: Dan and Phil each reflect on their love for one another on the eve of their Interactive Introverts set reveal and dress rehearsal.





	Bedtime in Brighton

**Author's Note:**

> References are made to Instagram stories posted by both Dan and Phil from Brighton in April 2018.

Dan

He has no idea.

He thinks that he knows how happy I am, how happy he makes me. He smiles when I say, 'I love you,' and he always says it back. He can feel it in my kisses, in the way I fold my body into his. He thinks that he knows how much I love him, but he can't possibly understand what I can't hope to articulate, to demonstrate, to oath for the rest of my life.

Phil has no idea that he is my everything, my rock, my best friend, my confidant, my most trusted human. I can tell him this, and he can smile and kiss me with gratitude, but he just doesn't get it.

He sits beside me now, in this hotel bed, handsome and shirtless. On the eve of our dress rehearsal and set reveal, here in Brighton, he too is sleepless with excitement. His bare leg brushes my own, and I know that it is intentional. He is comforting me; he is reminding me that he is here in every possible way.

Most people know Phil's professional voice: bold, confident, and expressive. It is the way I first knew him too. At some point, during our private conversations, he started to use his softer, deeper, less articulate, natural voice with me. There was a time when it surprised me.

Now, nine and a half years later, it is his professional voice that surprises me. There came a time in which I knew Phil longer intimately than I had as a viewer. By the time I realized that time had come, I was already over-the-moon in love with him. I think I've always been.

He speaks to me now in that low, soft voice, “I can't believe we're here.”

He smiles, and I smile too. God, he is beautiful. He believes that I am too, and he says it before he kisses my lips.

I can feel the warmth rising from his chest, the very chest that I have fallen asleep upon almost every night for the last eight years. He smells like home.

“I love you,” I whisper into his mouth, which tastes faintly of mint. I will never not feel my own heart lift when our lips touch. My skin erupts in goosebumps, and below the surface, it tingles from my core to the ends of my long limbs.

The words are weak and feeble. What I feel for him is so much more than just love, or even just romantic love. What I hold in my heart is beyond the three-word phrase.

I watch him as he films himself. He makes a joke about his disappointment with the lack of room service, and I will myself to be absolutely still. We mustn't raise suspicion that we are, in fact, sharing a bed, not yet.

The man beside me is my partner; he is my lover, my life, my everything. I want to tell the world, but we agreed a long time ago that our union, our precious union, is off limits. It is untouchable; it is sacred.

We knew a long time ago that this was forever. Our commitment is as official as anyone else's, more so maybe. We live it and breathe it every day of our lives despite the privacy of our promise. And after we travel the world together and live this dream, our commitment will be recognized by others as well. We will take our rest, be it a year or even two, and then we will be married. He will be my husband, and I will be his.

This adventure has no actual end. We are the only two people in the world who know this for sure.

I smile and film myself surfing the internet at 1:30 am., make a joke about the article I'm only half reading, and add it to my Instagram story. I watch it back and realize that, when paused, Phil's legs can be seen in bed next to mine. I shrug and smile.

Maybe it's okay that they know; most of them already do. They think that they know how much I love him. Like Phil, they haven't a clue.

I close my laptop and set it aside. I am no more tired now than I was an hour ago, but I know it's time to try. Phil removes his glasses and sets them on his side table, just as he does at home. He turns out the light and snuggles down into the sheets, taking me with him.

“There's nowhere I would rather be right now than right here with you.” He speaks softly into my ear, and the sound of his voice reverberates warmly through my entire body. I bring his hands to my face and kiss the backs of his beautiful hands three times, each kiss softer than the one before. I smile against his soft, pale, skin and rub my cheek against his arm. I can feel his body curl around me, effectively spooning me and swallowing me whole.

Phil

I can't wait to marry him.

Sometimes, when I'm too excited to sleep, and I need to relax my mind and my body, I picture him there, standing beside me. We turn to each other and interlace our fingers like we have so many thousands of times before. He looks more beautiful than ever, tears in his eyes, a smile on his face; we are about to be married.

He will cry, and I love that he will. He cries often, for various reasons: a song, a movie, a memory. Sometimes he just feels overwhelmed with emotion and lets the tears fall. I catch them with my fingers, and sometimes my lips. I love that he is so sensitive. I know that I will cry too.

He is right here next to me in this bed, his bare shoulder is touching mine. I've brushed his leg with my own just to remind him that I am here, that it's okay. This is such an exciting time in our lives, in our life together. Still, he is nervous. He doubts himself, and it kills me.

He will never know exactly what he means to me, how deeply I treasure him. He is my best friend, my lover, my partner, my sunshine. People say that I am sunshine, but they're wrong; it's Dan who lights up the world.

I think I have loved him from day one. I knew, on a subconscious level, that he was my everything, that we were meant for each other. I predicted him with a deck of tarot cards.

I look at him now, with his bright eyes and smooth shoulders, and I wonder how I got so lucky. I have watched him grow in every possible way. Some people openly protest his popularity, arguing that he stole the spotlight; I disagree. I am proud of him, more than I can possibly say. I am so proud to be his partner.

I want to be out as a couple, and I've wanted this for a very long time. It won't be much longer now. We have relaxed so much and come so far. We don't even know how we will do it, if we _do_ anything at all. It may just be a matter of being us without censorship. We're already on our way.

I want everyone to know that he has chosen me, and that I have chosen him. The truth is that I am waiting for Dan. I am waiting for him to be ready.

This show makes me proud. Traveling the world makes me proud. Having done this once already makes me proud. But nothing, no professional accomplishment, will ever make me as proud as being with Dan.

He giggles at himself now, as he speaks to the camera. He reads from the silly Wikipedia article as if he is actually reading it. I smile. I know better; he is deliriously happy and unable to sleep because it is all happening. No one knows that he is about to fall asleep in my arms, to the sound of my heartbeat and the feeling of my lips on his bare shoulder.

Tomorrow we will see our set for the first time. All of our planning and ideas will come to life before our eyes. As excited as I am to see it, all I really want to see is his face, his reaction. Maybe I can convince him to film our faces as an Instagram story, and I can keep it forever with everything else.

He thinks, as he closes his laptop and sets it aside, that I have no idea how much he really loves me. I smile at his assumption and close my eyes. The truth is that I feel everything that he can't say; it is in his kisses, his fingertips, and his eyes. It is in every move that he makes, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant; I notice everything.

We are about to embark on a journey togetherthat it so much bigger than a world tour, and no one knows it but us.

Sometimes I like having our secrets.

As I hold him now, I am reminded of home. He smells like home and feels like home too. I didn't bring my pillow this time; I brought my partner, my lover, my everything.

I can feel his breath on my arm, his sweet, gentle puffs of air against my skin. I kiss his cheek and say the three words that have never felt like enough: “I love you.”

He kisses my hands softly, gently, and in this moment, nothing could mean more. He loves me and trusts me more than anyone in the universe, and he knows that I feel exactly the same way.

He is the love of my life, and I can't wait to see him on that stage.


End file.
